Unable to bridle your rage, you charge toward Betty, your large, chicken-like talons poised to strike. Cool, you have talons.
Unfortunately, Betty has a death laser and won't put it away and fight like men because he has a death laser.
Strength is obviously not your strong-suit, so by the law of fighting games, you must have speed on your side, right? Surely you can reach Betty before the laser fires.
However, you're the lowest-tier character, with nothing good to offer. If you were in Super Smash Bros. Melee, you would be Kirby. In Fire Emblem, Fiona. In Banjo Tooie, Bottles.
In more simplistic terms, you suck.
You disintegrate in a searing red beam of pure energy, and I would describe how your ashes blow away but I'm kind of trying to keep this thing in a second-person point of view. I don't think I'm doing a very good job with all of these "narrator interjections" and whatnot, though.
>> Postulate alternative universes?